If Tomorrow Starts Without Me

memories

Its quite hard to put your attention on so many people, and keep in touch with so many people. Its the memories that keep you alive. Somehow. I never did get real close to 4/2, which explains the absence of any class photos in my cam. ha. But vividly, the memories still live on. I don't really know if i miss them anot, since a significant number are still in TJ. But still those years reminds me of those really really dark years. Kinda sad to think about it. Honestly.

Somehow, even tho those years were dark, i never regretted being in TK, I never blamed it on her for causing my misery and sorrow. It was probably caused by myself. I don't know. I don't really know how it started nor whether it has ended. The blues just come and go. I still don't understand why I am here or what do i really have ta do. I don't understand the point of studying for the sake of exams, for the sake of a nice testimonial and such. In today's straits times. This guy, he was the CEO of this big company, and soon realised he has brain tumour. Then he realised that he had not been spending time with his wife and family, just 2 lunches with his wife for a long period of time. He thought he had everything, at the peak of his life, when everything shatters into nothing.

I love to dream, to dream about when i grow up, what i wanna be, what i will be, even if it will never come true... I love to gaze at the sky, and watch the clouds move, and just dream. Someone asked me, after i told him i love to go to esplanade and look at the scenary, " Don't you get bored looking at the same thing over and over again?" I said, " the sky is always changing, so the scenary is always different". I feel so aimless in life. But what the Big 5 thing said is true, i am happy just seeing the little things that nature brings. My mum was saying that that is being too happy go lucky and i wouldnt go very far just with that. She's probably right.

i will probably never get very far in life. never.

posted by mel @ 8:16 PM