If Tomorrow Starts Without Me

never wait till tomorrow

Ok i think i am having a serious case of insomnia. I don't think i have to elaborate. anyway since i had nothing to do because i didn't want to continue doing maths i took out a photo album to look at. Wells trying to look for names in my kindergarten photos see whether we have met again. Apparently not. Then wells it was quite fun looking at the past until i reached the last page. It was pictures of some of my primary school friends at my house and one of which is my late friend. Tears just rolled down naturally, i never got to tell her what a great friend she was, i never got to tell her anything. Being at a young innocent age, who would think of seeing a friend's photo sitting in front of a coffin? who would?

Maybe thats why now, i find it so hard to tell anyone "no". If i can i will try to help anyone to the fullest. Because you won't ever know if you will still be around tomorrow, you will never know if he/she would still be around. Because anything will happen. And i don't want to ask myself if anything happens " why did i not help him/her when she asked me yesterday". I don't want to regret anything. Treasure the people around you, really. You would probably never know till you lose someone so close to your heart. Don't learn the value of a friend, only when you lose one.

Anyway felt quite bad today. I was supposed to wake somebody up at 7. but because i went to bed very late, yes i did wake up and i called him twice but he didnt answer and i think i fell asleep again only to wake up in horror that its already 7.30 so i really wonder what time he woke up in the end. sheesh. i better repair that snooze in me. haha. i need sleeping pills man... but i can't even swollow so whats the point.

I am very very sleepy now. i think later when i meet the string people i will really end up stoning. my eyes are really closing. i shall just sleep while waiting for them to finish blading/cycling/whatever. And just be ready to eat dinner. My minds in a whirl. i don't know what to do other than knowing i have to study. The rest of the mess i don't know how to clear them up, its just my brain has been put into the blender and everything is in a mess. My heart refuses to do what the mind tells it to do. And you know thats the problem. Cause they are both equally strong, I wish this would come to an end.

I thought it would be easy to forget,
By deleting whatever that was deletable.
I thought by drowning myself in work
would make those thoughts disappear.
I thought that those days meant nothing to me
i was wrong
i still am wrong.
Actually if god is looking for someone to take away from this earth,
go ahead and take me.
I promised someone death won't be a option to solve my endless problems.
The promise i won't break
because of them and because of you ( you who are reading)
But if god needs to do it,
if he needs to take someone away
if only i can donate my life away.
god take me home.
I don't like this school i am enrolled in,
the school of life.

posted by mel @ 10:06 AM