If Tomorrow Starts Without Me

Footsteps neared the icy cold room, the door opened silently as a middle-aged couple peeked in, their hearts filled with dread, but alas truth is what they cannot escape from. A man dressed in white uniform pulled the white sheets to unveil her face. The woman fell to the ground and started sobbing uncontrollably, the man let out a wail not believing what they had just seen. After identifying the body, they proceeded to the police station in a daze, not knowing what to do, oblivious to the surroundings. A police man emerged with her belongings in zip lock bags. Of which a piece of paper which contained a poem which caught their eye.

"To whom could i tell my sorrows to,

on whose shoulder could i cry on?

Seventeen years is enough

to see the darker side of this earth.

Today is just yesterday's tomorrow,

that failed to bring more hope.

The people i called my friends,

shunned me when i was all alone.

No one there to

hear me shout within me,

and see me shed the silent tears.

I have swam in a pool of darkness

far long enough

than my little heart can stand.

They think they understand,

but in actual fact they don't.

Now its past the point of no return,

do not grieve,

do not mourn,

let me lie on a bed of white roses,

and return home to the lord."

She watched from up above as streams of people went to her funeral. The soft light music of Chopin's Nocturne in C# minor played in the background. She was laid in a coffin filled with white roses. The visitors carried a white rose each, some cold and unfeeling, some with tears flowing like a never ending river. Yet in their minds only one question surfaced, "why?" She wore a smile to school everyday, and wore a smile home. She just seemed like any happy girl, enjoying her youth.

But they failed to realise in recent days, her smile grew fainter, no matter how she tried to force a smile, a laugh. Her mind was in a whirl, spinning and spinning. She silently wished that someone would care and understand. Yet, too many things happened to show her, it was only herself in this dark tunnel, no sign of light at the other end. She has walked for miles and miles, no one who brought in a lighted candle to show her the way out. She was tired, she couldn't drag herself on anymore. And she saw through her own eyes that she was all alone.

One of her "close friend", Christine gave her the cold shoulder and just went to find herself another good friend. Disappointment filled her heart, she thought christine would understand but she was just one who turned and walked away. Another of her "good friend" Amy trusted no one, and was equally lost in her own world, she knew that Amy wouldn't realise or would choose not to realise all of it altogether. The list goes on and on, friends who just said, "i won't disturb you since you are in a bad mood", friends who chose to immerse themselves in their games instead of caring, she saw enough. Enough to show her how selfish the world is, how cruel things were.

They said life would be beautiful as long as you change the way you look at things. She knew deep inside this is just part of a fallacy. Good things never last long, but problems multiply like cancerous cells, fast yet fatal. She let the unhappiness grow inside her, breaking down every single day she stepped home. She knew these pain and agony would never end, this loneliness would never disappear. The world lost its colour, she lived in a black and white world but no one knew, not a single soul.

She knew this time, she had to be selfish, just this once, to do something for herself. She took the lift up to the highest floor. It seemed to be moving at snail pace, as her life came back to her in reverse order. Her childhood had been a happy one, but slowly too many things happened, the environment changed her, and she knew she had to end this pain once and for all. Death may not be the only solution but it is the best solution she could think of. She cried for the very last time, her hand clutching on to a chain with a cross, wishing that her sins would be cleansed, and she smiled as she flew her way to the lord. Reaching her final destination. Home.